I cant help but think that you woke me up for a reason. Its one in the morning, and all I wanted to do was sit here in my favorite new chair and wallow on the phone to my Mom..but I cant, Jesus has a sense of humor and He put this fantastic chair in a no WiFi section of our house, so here is my phone call to my heavenly parent who is also my best friend...blahblahblahmeowmeowmeow.
I cant sleep, I'm so home sick. I'm back to my old self, wishing I were home for this friend or that family dinner, stuck in my thoughts. I know this isn't awful and circumstances could be much worse, but it feels like cat barf at this moment. All I want to do is be home in all the fall colors, work at some coffee joint and watch my baby sister go to homecoming. I want to talk to friends in person, I want to cry over Kennedy, I want to be held by my family. God will you rain heaven down on me in a home-like way?!? I cannot go any further in this if I dont have you. I am actually now completely reliant and desperate for you. I'm sick of counting down the weeks till I go home. For heavens sake its only the first week here. I feel like I'm finally going through what everyone in the beginning went through during our DTS...dammit. Anyways Jesus I'm up for a reason, now show me why.
As I kept processing my thoughts and my first week here in my new home I came across many "love notes" from family and friends, I felt their love and it brought my spirits up and up. A letter and a verse from my outreach leader especially caught my eye and gave me such truth and revelation. Romans 5:3-5 "We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope and hope does not put us to shame, because Gods love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." What an amazing leader and women of God, who SO understands my heart. Love you Alexa, Thank you.
Journal continues....
One more thing Jesus: I am clearly sitting and talking to you right now and its amazing. You calm me down and you quiet me with your love. My fears and insecurities actually bring me revelation and peace. So weird, I guess I'm still human though. I want to rely more often on my Godly instincts, these quiet times that I feel pushed to do by you are constantly more amazing then the last. SO come on God, bring me down to this chair more often at anytime of the night, bring your truth and I'll bring the pen and my vulnerability to you. I actually think this has been the first time in a long that I have been honest and vulnerable with anyone or myself in a long time. These times are times to note and mark, as times that I truly am desperately coming to Christ in need of more of Him and less of me. Jesus, you are beautiful and my best friend. Nightnight
Want more awesome verses..yes you do..
John 15:26-27
Lamentations 5
Hope everything is peachy-keen for all y'all. Lovelove, peacepeace, JesusJesus.
Ellie!!! Kjersten here just sitting in Tanzania and suddenly I started thinking about you. I remembered seeing you post your blog link to facebook so I had to check it out. Wow! You're in Iceland! Long ways from Bodien 4th floor. I'm praying for you. I feel like I'm in the same boat as you. God brought me to Tanzania for a reason but that doesn't stop the homesickness or wishing I could be back home. It's so hard to trust and follow God, I'm realizing. There has to be a reason though. He is so good. Just know I'm sending prayers to Iceland from Tanzania and hope you're doing well. Thanks for being so honest and souled out for Christ! Love ya!
ReplyDeleteKjersten